Movie Reviews: The Good, The Bad & The Really Bad

Movie Reviews: The Good, The Bad & The Really Bad

I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately and felt that many of them weren’t good enough for my Friday Night Movie Recommendation or to even have their own post really, but I wanted to still write about them for posterity’s sake. So here they are! The mediocre and the horrible; the “Meh, that wasn’t bad, I guess” and the “Why didn’t I turn this off an hour ago?!”; the best of the worst and the worst of the worst. Let me know your thoughts. 

The Good

These are movies that are good but not great. They didn’t deserve their own post but they are worth a quick watch. The best way to describe them is that you’re glad you watched it but you wouldn’t want to watch it again.

Altar

This movie showed up on my Netflix feed so I gave it a go and it turned out to be pretty decent. It’s about a family that moves into an old manor with the goal of restoring it. Soon enough, strange things start happening and it seems like there is a ghostly spirit in the house.

This movie hits all the haunted house clichés and does have some creepy moments (there’s a blood massage which is pretty uncomfortable) but it doesn’t bring anything new or innovative to the table. The acting is decent and the whole movie was carried by Olivia Williams who plays Meg.

Give it a go and let me know your thoughts.

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The Canal

I heard about this one from my buddy, Dr. John. You can check out his review of it here. He warned me that it wasn’t that great but I watched it anyways, and guess what? It wasn’t that great. But again, it did have some scary moments and the premise was interesting, although the ending was really aggravating.

The Canal is about a man who suspects his wife of cheating, follows her to who he assumes is her lover’s house and catches them in the act. He remembers going home afterwards but wakes up to find that his wife has gone missing and he becomes the main suspect in her disappearance. As the investigation continues strange things start happening (sounds like a bit of a theme for the “Good” movies) and he does everything he can to figure out what happened.

Overall, this isn’t one that you have to watch, the story line pulls from a lot of other horror movies and as such, isn’t very original. The last 20 minutes have some good scares and a really disturbing moment but the very end is a huge let down.

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The Bad

These are movies that were pretty much a waste of time. You wish so-and-so hadn’t recommended it or that you hadn’t stumbled across it on Netflix. They may have some redeeming qualities but overall they’re pretty bad.

Preservation

Remember how I almost didn’t watch The Sacrament because the freeze frame on Netflix was so bad? Well, this one was the exact opposite. The freeze frame looked so great! It looked like a well shot wilderness survival movie, so I was really excited.  I don’t know about you, but I think The Edge is amazing, so I was expecting a B version of that movie. Not even close to the case, unfortunately.

The dialogue is really poor. None of the conversations sound natural, to the point where it was so bad that I had to laugh. Also, maybe I’m giving myself and my friends too much credit, but the characters in this movies lose their cool really quickly. Maybe I don’t have a good idea of what would happen in a crisis situation because I felt the same way about Coherence but I genuinely feel like we wouldn’t fall apart and break down until we had at least tried to solve things first.

Another thing, the first glimpse of the villain… How did they not see him?! He was standing right beside them! That part actually drove me nuts. There were so many inconsistencies in this movie, or parts that just didn’t make sense. Why do the villains text each other when they’re sitting beside each other? Why did one of them almost drown his friend? The character development was so poor. These choices could have made sense if they had just developed them even the slightest bit.

Bad bad bad. How do movies like these get made?

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The Really Bad

These ones are the real bottom-of-the-barrel garbage. The “I can’t believe I wasted 90 minutes of my life watching this…” movies. The movies that end and you sit there for a minute or two trying to understand what happened and how these movies get made in the first place.

Exists

This one is about Bigfoot. I feel like that’s enough said. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind a good Bigfoot movie (Harry and the Hendersons is one of my favourites!) but it’s so easy for it to turn out terribly, like this one did. I don’t think the filmmakers were even really trying with this one.

Basically, five friends travel into the woods (horror movie cliché much?) for a camping trip and they run into something with their car on the way. Whatever it is runs off into the woods and dies (SPOILER: it’s Bigfoot’s baby) and they decide to continue on their trip anyways.

Then, a really angry Bigfoot chases them all throughout the forest, seeking revenge… blah blah blah… I honestly feel so ridiculous even writing this. To top it all off, did I mention that it’s a found footage movie?

Skip this one at all costs.

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25 thoughts on “Movie Reviews: The Good, The Bad & The Really Bad

  1. I think the husband in “Preservation” is the stupidest horror movie character I’ve ever seen – and that is saying a LOT. I loved his brilliant game-plan to combat the gunmen!

    This movie could have been really good if written properly. The premise is intriguing.

    I’m pretty sure the one kid was drowning his partner b/c his partner said he was leaving to go home, so he didn’t want him to leave, and so he exerted his dominance over him by sticking his head in the lake.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He was pretty ridiculous. And so was the friend. None of the characters were believable.
      I figured that was the reason but they didn’t develop the characters enough to make that a believable choice. It came out of nowhere and was so poorly done.

      Like

      1. They should not have even revealed who the killers were until the end.

        All of these horror movies have such stupid endings. I wrote a horror screenplay and I don’t think the ending was stupid. I think I have a better grasp of storytelling than a lot of these writers.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t know why it seems almost impossible for a horror movie to have a good ending but that’s the price we pay for loving horror movies, I suppose, ha!

        You wrote a horror screenplay!? That’s great! I’d love to read it. Now I’m really intrigued about the ending you wrote!

        Like

  2. I just watched “The Canal” a few weeks ago and the major problem with it is does it want to be a “ghost story” or a “murder mystery”? It attempts to combine the two, and in doing so, completely ruins everything!

    The film started very well, but as soon as we learn his wife is cheating than we no longer are focused on the potential ghosts that could be haunting their house, no, we put that on the back burner to focus on the affair; and THEN it’s not CLEAR to the audience if she was or was not having an affair, and as to what transpired after he caught them, if he in-fact did actually catch them in reality and not a dream or hallucination.

    THEN we GO BACK to focus once again on the GHOST STORY.

    Poor, misguided, sloppy execution! Waste of a potentially good film, here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great points and I think you hit the nail on the head here. The idea wasn’t clear enough in the directors mind to make it a strong film. Also, the ending was a complete let down. All this build up surrounding the ghost story of the film just to find out it was all in his head. I feel like that ruins any credibility that the movie had. We can’t trust the viewpoint from which the movie is told so it makes all of the main character’s choices less valid in our minds. We have no idea what his motives are because the movie shows us two versions of reality.

      Another point – wasn’t that scene were the girl crawls out of the wall such a rip off of the ring??

      Most shocking scene = ghost mom giving birth to ghost/demon baby. That was crazy

      Like

      1. Yes, not only was that scene a rip-off, but we’re supposed to believe that that also didn’t actually happen? Well, wtf DID happen? So Stupid.

        I just finished watching “Come Out and Play” on netflix and was pretty disappointed; it looked promising for the first half, but then fell apart.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Out of these I’ve only seen Preservation and it sucked total butt!!! What a joke of a movie! I don’t think we had met during my last Shitfest competition but it was my entry : ) Great post!!

    #satanic;ampbesties

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! It’s did suck total butt. Such a promising premise, though. So annoyed at everyone involved in that movie for making it awful. I’ll have to check out your post. I’ve read some of your Shitfest posts and they’re pretty great. What is it exactly? Just reviews of horrible horror movies?

      #satanicmoviemakers

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know! i was hoping Porn Stache would make a good movie but it was awful!!

        It’s a competition I run twice a year. We all get together and write about shit movies and then do a vote when it’s over : )

        #satanicshitmovies

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s reviews for ANY genre horrible film! Or at least horrible to the writer; sometimes people write about movies that get a lot of praise. I think someone wrote a piece for “Boyhood” last time around and that one was nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. Isaacs doesn’t care what we submit, even if he personally disagrees. Anything goes! I wrote a submission for “Human Centipede 2” one time and instead of doing a movie another time I submitted a piece about Chris Pine and how overrated he is, etc. So, he was my shitfest subject. So, you can do basically anything you think sucks.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for the shout out. With regards to Preservation, insanely enough I think the antagonists sitting around texting to each other was supposed to be a commentary on society and “kids these days.” Kind of like if my Dad was complaining about youth culture while funneling burbon, smoking a pack of cigarettes and driving the wrong way down the highway.

    Somehow, I forgot to write up my thoughts on Preservation, which I definitely watched after seeing your warning about it. Living dangerously definitely burned me!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anytime 🙂 I definitely see what you’re saying and I have no doubt that’s what they were “trying” to do but the characters weren’t fleshed out enough to make this seem plausible. Nice comparison though! It’s really too bad because it could have been good.

      Like

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