Welcome to another instalment of The Good, The Bad and The Really Bad. Today we have another slew of movies ranging from mediocre to downright terrible. Here we go.
These are movies that are good but not great. They didn’t deserve their own post but they are worth a watch. The best way to describe them is that you’re glad you watched them because they had some good moments but you wouldn’t want to watch them again.
This is a really fun independent movie that I stumbled across on Netflix a couple weeks ago. It’s about a pair of siblings who are trying to find their father who, it appears, has travelled to a parallel universe through a mysterious building. Their goofy neighbour tags along for the ride and they meet a strange girl that seems to know a thing or two about the building and their father. Sound like fun? It is!
I love sci-fi movies and this one was pretty good for it’s budget. The only reason it isn’t good enough for it’s own review and a potential slot in the hallowed Friday Night Movie Recommendation is that the acting is a little shoddy at times (particularly from the goofy neighbour), I really wanted to see more parallel universes (they only went to three!), and the ending actually drove me nuts. It’s almost as if the movie was set up as a pilot for a TV show. There was absolutely no conclusion, which really annoys me. When I tried to look it up online as to whether or not there would be a TV show or a sequel I couldn’t find anything. I guess I shall forever wonder how this storyline wraps up.
These are movies that were pretty much a waste of time. You wish so-and-so hadn’t recommended it or that you hadn’t stumbled across it on Netflix. They may have some redeeming qualities but overall they’re pretty bad.
I really hated this movie. The only reason it isn’t in The Really Bad section is because this movie does have some production value; I did like the set design and the cinematography. I also like Saoirse Ronan, Diane Kruger and William Hurt as actors, through none of them where particularly ground breaking in these roles. It’s as if they knew that they were better than this script. Also, I understand that there is a fan base for these kinds of movies. I don’t know why I even gave it a shot in the first place. It’s based of a novel by Stephanie Meyers, which I actually got the audiobook for from the library and listened to while commuting to and from school a couple years ago. It was pretty awful, as I knew it would be, I just couldn’t find anything else that I was interested in and once I start something, I have to see it through. Anyways, because I read the book, I felt obligated to watch the movie and I was disappointed all around. I don’t know what I expected from the author of Twilight, which I read the first book to and swore I would never read or watch any of the others because it was so poorly written and such a bad story in general.
To be more specific about this movie instead of continuing my Stephanie Meyer’s rant, it’s about a not too distant future in which aliens have taken over human bodies (hosts), erasing their memories and eradicating the person that they used to be. One such alien, named Wanderer, takes over the body of Melanie Stryder (Saoirse Ronan) and she is actually sympathetic to the humans. Melanie remains conscious even though Wanderer is taking over her body and the two of them talk to each other while trying to save some of the humans that are still alive from the other aliens that are hell bent on taking over the planet. Obviously, there’s a really gooey love story centring around a strange, unhealthy relationship and everything works out in the end.
The awkward self conversations between Wanderer and Melanie are ridiculous, the dialogue contrived, the love story has no chemistry, and the characters are so one dimensional that it’s laughable. Don’t watch this movie.
The Really Bad
These ones are the real bottom-of-the-barrel garbage. The, “I can’t believe I wasted 90 minutes of my life watching this…” movies. The movies that end and you sit there for a minute or two trying to understand what happened and how these movies get made in the first place.
I’m so sad that this movie made it into The Really Bad category. I just watched it over the weekend and I had no idea that it existed. I don’t know if I was living under a rock but I had no idea that Arnold Schwarzenegger had made a zombie movie. My husband actually found this one and he usually picks really great movies so I had high expectations. Also, I’ve rarely met a zombie movie that I didn’t like. It’s one of my favourite sub genres of the horror genre. And Arnold Schwarzenegger? Love him. I really wanted to see him wielding a mini gun and mowing down zombies. It’s not even that my standards are that high! I was really willing to like this and forgive it some pretty serious faults.
This movie centres around a young girl named Maggie, played by Abigail Breslin, who has been bitten by a zombie and is slowly turning. She returns home with her father, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and they try to come to terms with her approaching death. This movie is slated as a thriller but there’s honestly nothing thrilling about it. It is a very slow moving film where pretty much nothing happens. There are a lot of close ups on the characters’ faces and artistic shots of the dreary backdrop.
A movie like this, with so little action, really depends on the acting talents of the actors involved and, although I love him dearly, Arnold Schwarzenegger is not a strong enough actor to pull off a movie like this. Surprisingly, Abigail Breslin was stiff and unbelievable as well. Joely Richardson played the mother and there’s something about her that I just can’t stand. She always seems to be on the verge of tears and she has this annoying shaking that she does when she gets emotional.
Overall, this movie was a real disappointment. The acting was lack lustre, the plot dragged along at a painfully slow pace and the relationships didn’t feel interesting or even believable. Skip it and keep your view of Arnold Schwarzenegger as the ass kicking robot, alien hunter, secret agent, commando that he is.